BCA Falls Down The Stairs, The WTF Episode

Episode fifteen of season 2 for Beyond the Podcast of 1984. This episode: The episode where BCA falls down the stairs! The "WTF?!" episode kids! 

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Transcript

0:21

You. We're going to be on the podcast of 1984 once again. Oh yes, I guess. And we, we interrupt this, regularly scheduled, episode of the. On the podcast in 1984. A very strange episode. And if you don't like strange things that you may want to, perhaps skip this year and go listen to something else, like you'll see bolts and weather, and, and political jargon, because that's not what this show is about, mate. Anyway, and the day I was walking that street and, I was minding my own business and, I, I began to hear a very. Strange. Sound. Emanating from somewhere. It sounded very muffled. It sounded like, And I went over, and I, you know, looked and I. Did discover. The sound was emanating from a, what do. You call those stunt? In in America? It is machines, a dispenser unit. I believe that. Sells a soda pop. And I got close up to it. And I put my ear up against it. And I. Was just very, Very confused. It sounded as if someone. Was trapped. Inside this, this, the machine. So I contacted my. Local authorities. And, the police. I showed up and, took a few moments, and, they opened it. And there was a gentleman inside it, and apparently he somehow became trapped inside this, I. Discovered. A vending machine. He was trapped inside it. And the paramedics were speaking to him, and I overheard this, Or you or you. Okay, so, on you. Good. You feel your limbs or you. Are you real? Right? And he stated, because he had been trapped for so long. I did, of course. Obviously, he could not move. But what he had been saying as he looked upon me and my missus. And spoke to me. He told me about what he was attempting to say. But because I could not hear him, for the muffled muffling. Of not. Being able to speak, he, was loosely translated as help, help my balls itch. Help, help my balls itch. And, I was rather uncomfortable, but, and, it's apparently, it appeared on, on BBC news, but, I did reach down and I looked the other way, and I gave him a good scratch, and he sent me very much, and he gave me, one shilling, €2, five rubles, one. Peso and. Ten. Food stamps. And, I was. Very grateful for that. So thank you very much. And, you know, some tea. I hope to make my dream come true. I would really like to be a princess. And, I know that it's possible that anyone can become a princess if you're a man like myself. Very large, hairy man. But I'm not interested in, surgical procedures. Now, you see, I would just like to look up at the heavens and just ask. Ask the clouds. Could you please turn me into a princess for a day? I just want to wear a dress and run around and sing, songs and ride on the back of a unicorn. Pegasus. That's all I want to do. I want to become a princess. A beautiful princess with big eyes and long, flowing flaxen hair and, a dress and, high heels and other things that princesses have. Oh, yes. And long fingernails. And if anyone tries to touch me, I will violently place my fingernails and, their, eye sockets and rip the eyeballs out. So, kids, yes, we're right in the middle of another exciting episode of be on the podcast, a 1984. The problem with the show is it seems like it's almost been too serious. The bizarre alien is. It's just been too serious. But, you know, why don't you try having a microphone placed in front of your face and, excuse me and, try to laugh. We hope you enjoyed this episode. Yes. You're right in the middle of this this exciting episode. I'm also highly constipated right now, and I need some help. With that problem. But I'm sure that nobody out there, if you're listening to this, would would offer to help me fix the problems with my violet constipation. Oh, there it goes. I'm loose. Thank you. That was the sound of a man falling down the stairs. And very, very, very slow. Motion. And hitting the bottom and exploding and truncated to frenzy. And I'm. It's a horrible, horrible way. Picture someone knocking a large 1000 piece puzzle off of a table. A puzzle that someone took a very long time to put together. And then someone very rudely comes along. And with the. Flip of the hand, so to speak. If that's the correct terminology. Knocks it. Right off. That is this pretty much this gentleman here doing the. Bottom. Of the staircase and going kaboom! And. How well do you suffer from bowel movement problems? I do. You know, I'm really wondering what in the. Heck is up with this episode. This is a really ridiculous episode. I mean, come on, you know, there's dead, you know, a guy calls themselves the bizarre alien. He should be kind of weird. He has a beard. Really weird is just kind of blabbing on about stuff. I read some of it. I think it's cool. I like it about weird bullies and Godzilla. You know, things like that. I think it's pretty neat. I like that. Excuse me. I also get problems dealt the blow, but, we. Yeah, we hijacked the show, and we're just, having a good time here. I'm not taking any medications. I have a natural high. I like to weird, bull's eye. Different. Very different, types of socks. Diff colored socks. Sometimes, we're like a green sock or a yellow sock or a blue, or brown wood, or sometimes a purple one or, orange one or a yellow one or a striped one. I like to wear socks that look like cats. Those are real neat. But I can't wear shoes with, because the ears get pushed out of my foot. It's a Cubs rebel. Oh. Though. And you, you're listening to Beyond the Perkins, a 1984. My name's, Terry Barrow. And I also introduced an episode, a couple episodes ago. And you probably didn't even like, think about who I was or am. I'm terrible. And I like to run. Walk. And I like to look at rocks. I like to touch them. Sometimes. I like to kiss rocks. I like to feel the texture on my on my lips. It's real neat. I don't wash my clothes too often. Sometimes when I do, they fart a lot and I wear my underwear inside out if they feel too gross. And it's not bad. My mom gets mad at me. It tells me Terry, you should change your underpants for afternoon sun. What does she know? I'm 36 and I live in the basement. And I have computer time for about an hour. My mom's computer. Her name's Cindy. She's real nice lady. She sits in a chair in the room and watch. Is the TV a lot? She lights, dramas and dramedies. And she likes, romantic drama films. Pretty much anything. That's drama. She really enjoys it. Sometimes I have to tell mom I could see it. And when she ask, you will see what? And when I tell her, I could see her privates she wears, moonbow. And sometimes it's not all the way down. She gets real shocked, and I have to help her out of the chair because sometimes I get so upset that she is on the floor, and I have to help wash her off. I have a garden hose, and that's brilliant inside the house. And she has to try to get into the bath tub, shower or bath. And once, she was trying to get into the bathtub and she slipped and fell to the toilet and I had to take a towel cleaner. And it's a good thing that. Okay. Thank you. You've been listening to, yeah, you have been listening to be on the podcast of 1984. This is, probably the worst episode we've done, but we wanted to do something a little bit different. My name is, Fairy Bells, and, I love, dancing. I like to do the tango. I love to attempt to break dance. I like to do a lot of things, but I usually do it by myself because nobody likes me. And I'm actually glad because I think. And to know that I'm a very pretty lady. Fairy Bells is my name. And if you're looking for, good lover and a friend and someone who will listen to you and and kiss you sometimes, and I will share my bubblegum and candy with you because you you sound real pretty, but is. Yeah. Hold of me through the the show. And I would like to send pictures of myself if you could send pictures of you. Also, I don't know you, but you sound real pretty. And I'd like to brush your teeth. And if your nose hairs or ear hairs are too large, I could save them for you if you'll do the same for me. And maybe we could save each other's backs too. That would be real pretty. I love you. Oh, well, I better go now. I think the producer's getting kind of angry because this episode is he. I don't know what he thinks, but it's pretty bad. Let me see on the batteries. Are, it's going pretty good. I like I like shoes, too. Do you ever just sit down in the dark with the nice, tall, cold cup of water and watch television shows? I do. I like shows that show people doing things like talking and walking and smiling and frowning. I like I like the television, I like commercials because you could learn a lot of stuff about things, like if you watch a commercial and it says side effects may include and it tells you all kinds of things that you can get from side effects. I like that. That's real neat. And sometimes it's it's real pretty too. I like to watch. And I learned I learned the alphabet for, counting garbage bags in my basement. And sometimes when I would count, I would get scared and cry like a little girl because garbage bags, some of them were very large, like the, you know, the you have to you have the garbage sacks. They would move and I would hear, sounded like a scream. And I got real scared. I told dad and he got kind of mad at me and made me go up the stairs again, and and he would say, I will be right back, son. And I'd hear a loud thumbs up, thumbs, thumb after he went down the stairwell and thumbs up. And then I would go back into the basement and there is a lot of catch up, on, by the bags, a lot of ketchup. So sometimes I would just, I thought, what a waste. And I would take the catch up with my spoon and, jar, and I would put it in a refrigerator. And dad was kind of confused because he said he didn't remember buying ketchup and it was in a jar. Didn't have a label on it that says what it's called. But it was I think it was ketchup. And the basement is a real fun place to hang out. And I also would like to get rides when I would go on the street and people would give me candy for the give me a ride. And that was real nice. A free ride and a bunch of candy. And it was real neat and I would get confused, you know, because they would say, now you have to come down into my basement. And, I didn't know these people. I like the ride. I like the candy. And they would get confused and I would hear sometimes it was two people and I would hear them whispering. And I have very good hearing. And they would say, why is this man still awake? Well, well, well, well, well, because I found that it wasn't candy and it tasted terrible, but I liked it and I would eat it and I would just, get out of their van and say, thanks, baby. I could hang out again some other time, and they would get real mad. And someone calls the police and they'll go to jail. I like shoes, thanks. Okay. What telephone number is this? Horn ballgame. Is. Or one name was, Richard. Stitch. And I am, 72 year old man who likes to wear, I wear a dress, and I like collecting dentures. Sometimes I will, I don't. People call to say it's stealing. I find dentures in people's houses or sometimes late at night. But I like dentures. I like fake teeth are real pretty. I have them in jars in my home, upstairs in my Attica, and they're like, they're my friends. All like the dentures. I like teeth, I kept all my teeth when I was a little girl. I took all of them out with, with my hands. And mommy would say, don't you. Want to give. Her to the teeth? Very. I know, oh, those are my teeth. So I would I can't I have all my teeth since I was I can remember since I came out of my. Mama's, privates when a man was. Born. And I like gospel music. Oh, sorry if I sound weird. My dentures are falling off. I wear dentures over my teeth, and sometimes I, I swallow c3 blood has to go to the doctor's appointment, and, they make me get sick. Yuck. I like, dancing, and I enjoy gospel music because I like, songs about the Lord. Oh, my dentures are falling out again. Sometimes I wish I could just break all my teeth and wear dentures instead. Just. I feel very comfortable comfort in wearing these. I can't talk, I just wanted to thank the people on this website. TV show. How do you call her for having me tell you live about my wife? I'm a very pretty lady, and I like, Marvel's. And I like basements, and I really love ketchup. But I forgot to tell you all. One more last thing. That ketchup tasted really gross. And then, really, when I. When I was 14, I bought ketchup with my allowance and it that I don't think there was ketchup. And I asked dad and he threw up on me and we never talked about that thing again. He got he went to prison, I don't know, not sure why, but I love Jesus and I like, like, gospel music is real pretty. One thing that, I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name's, Or. My name is, bathtub. And people ask me, why the heck would you call your soap bathtub? Well, I'm a punk rocker, all right? I love, I love people, I love rock and roll music. I love heavy metals. I listen to Motley Cruise Traveler presents the drill sergeant. I also, I like sandwiches. I'm in, heavy metals. Punk rock band called, Brookins to. And it's a good heavy metals punk band. We sound like the Scorpions. A motley crew. The sex pistol, Ramones and other punk rock and heavy metals. We. Houston speed thrash, death metal, cannibal corpse, poop, devil music. And my mom doesn't like. Okay, folks, you know this. This has been absolutely ridiculous. You know, I, I hate television, I hate commercials, I don't care about celebrities. I don't care about underwear. I don't wear underwear. I like it loose. I like the baggy pants. And sometimes I get in trouble by the police. You have to wear your underwear. Don't tell me what to do. Bacon bits. And I think, lollipops are good. I could eat them, and I like. I like my hands. I have two hands, and they're real. The. Okay. You been listening to, be on the podcast of 1984, and, I hope that you have enjoyed listening to this episode. Did it make any sense? I'm sure it did for you. But being that I am the bizarre alien. Why would I call myself the bizarre alien if I wasn't bizarre? Those were some of, I don't know if I want to call my split personalities, because. I don't really believe in any of that stuff. I have worn my. Underwear, inside out once, many, many. Years ago, I tried to, How can I put this in a, mature way? I attempted to give myself a, A blowjob. Oh, my God, I said that. Oh, no. And, I hurt my back, and that's all I'm going to say. But, that's a true story. It felt like a job. I was unable to accomplish my job. And I didn't actually blow myself, you know. Because when you picture below, that's what. That's what's funny. About the word blowjob. You picture this. I'm working. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't, and I don't make sense. And let me explain something to you right now, kids. Sometimes people have told me that I'm really confusing, that I don't get to the point. Well, you know why? I don't get to the point. Though? Because I am a. Fricking mutant, and my dream woman is an island. And I'm now speaking with the utmost of seriousness. It's. Yeah, I'll. I'll. At this very, very late night morning. Something or other. This has been. The bizarre healing and speaking to you with all. Seriousness, saying. Thank you for listening to my show. This episode was sponsored by. Adult Diapers, reversible underwear courtesy. Of food for. And cats butts. And yes, I have seen many of cats butts. I like to call my cats buds Sarlacc pit whenever, especially my kitty terrors. I wake up and I look over and his bottle is right there. Cats have a habit of doing that, so guess what? You need to deal with it. So, yeah, I'd like to. Say that. I hope you enjoyed this episode, but quite honestly, I don't care if you. Did or not. If he did, you did. I'm a weirdo. I give thanks to all weirdos. In the world of art, music, film, comic books, noise art. I just said art and I art equals fart. Well, thank you always for hoping to, Shape me into the, mutant, Creature that I am. And it's been a couple episodes since I stated this, but if, my dear. Beautiful space. Lady is out there and you hear this. Episode, please come home, take my cats and I, and take us with you, and let's go on cosmic adventures. Because I'm very lonely. And, yes, we're going to cut this episode short because it's late. I can't think straight. And I believe that there has been enough strange. Alien. Whatever something or others placed into your head, along with the earwigs that are crawling into your right now. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Okay, man. I'm out. So nanu nanu. Stay pants. Thanks for listening to my show. And on a serious note, I've got a few more episodes coming out and that's the end of this season. So thanks to everybody that's supporting the show. You can leave comments at, Betty p 1980 4.com the same initials there dot buzz sprout. We would love to hear from you. And we have lots of buttons also. So if you donate anybody can get buttons. Also have a comic book that I did. So hey, if you're interested in anything but noise whatever the show. But most importantly we would love to hear your comments, both good and bad. And speaking of bad, I feel like crap. Not really. My brain's not working, so, stay pants, keep the filth. And until next time, have fun and keep watching the skies. Bye bye. Oh.